I wasn't even on drugs.
I like to start and end some posts with lyrics. Often they don't have anything to do with the post, but it is a nice reflection of the emotions I am feeling or the tunes I'm listening to. I just love music. Anyway, I just can't pick two sets of lyrics, so I will let you in on all of the songs on my itunes right now and you can pull the quotes you want. I Was So Alone, Chasing Cars, The Great Escape, You and Me, Open Your Eyes, and Oh What a World.
Yesterday I had a really good day. One of many small ecstasies was watching the movie Saved. You all MUST go and watch the movie. It completely changed the way that I look at the world and myself and God. I want to write a whole long review on the movie, but it would detract from the real point of this post.
I got home last night at 3 AM and I was feeling really happy. And I was wondering why I didn't feel that happy in Church. And then I started doing some deep thinking as I was wrapped up in the catharsis of the night. Thought turned to meditation turned to prayer turned to enlightenment.
Suddenly I realized that it was good that I felt good. And then I realized that Church should make me feel good. I should enjoy it. I should feel uplifted. I should feel spiritual. I decided to get what I wanted out of Church, and I want to get happy, uplifting, spiritual experiences out of church. To do that, I realized that I needed to give up my expectations and demands. I needed to stop putting conditions on what would make me feel good at Church.
Last night I didn't sleep at all- I just felt. And then I got up and I showered and I put on my new Sunday clothes that actually fit me and I went to Church and it was awesome. I haven't enjoyed Church like that in a very long time. I had fun. I was uplifted. I felt the Spirit. And all of this despite distasteful comments and offensive things. I just let those things that normally bug me fall off.
It was wonderful. And the best part is that this whole divine, euphoric, enlightening experience was not even drug induced.